the motherwound.

The motherwound is a wound that exists in adult children as a result of having an emotionally unavailable or inconsistent mother.

The mother is often not able to meet the emotional needs of her children due to her own mother wound. This 'under mothering' results in a lack of attunement, a lack of mirroring and lack of emotional nurturing and proper guidance.

The child, who needs the mother to survive, can not comprehend a mother's inability to love in the way that's needed. The child internalizes the under-mothering as being something wrong with them. This manifests as shame.

The child then develops a set of problematic beliefs and stories that result in feelings of being "less than" (unworthy, unimportant, undeserving) to help make sense of the lack of emotional attunement. Unless acknowledged and healed, adult daughters will carry these problematic beliefs throughout their lives.

This is why the motherwound is considered a generational wound. Because unless acknowledged and repaired/healed, it is passed down through the generations.

People are often uncomfortable talking about the mother wound for fear of sounding 'ungrateful', exposing their own underlying anger, having to acknowledge and grieve the fact that their mother was not who they needed her to be…the list goes on.

But by keeping silent, we keep the wound alive and well, waiting to be passed on through the generations.

but there’s hope…

While reading the above may have been difficult for you - seeing yourself in those words - do not despair. This cycle is passed down through the generations, until one person decides to break it. This is often the plight of the highly sensitive person, who has sensed something being “off” for a very long time, but has never had the words to articulate their experience - until now.

Together, and through a lens of deep compassion, we work toward healing this wound you’ve carried since your childhood.

We do this through:

  • holding space for validating your experiences

  • creating a new and more accurate narrative for your childhood experience(s) - not using the one that was given to you

  • addressing shame, guilt and the lie of being “an ungrateful daughter” which has kept you from your truth

  • honouring and working through grief

  • gentle and fierce re-mothering

  • inner child work

  • developing the inner resources to deal with life’s challenges

  • learning to accept the reality of your mother’s limitations

  • redefining the relationship you have with your mother in a way that gives you voice and agency (this may mean changing the level of contact you currently have)

Knowing that instead of passing along your mother’s wounding - you can pass along your healing - is one of the most liberating feelings an adult daughter can experience. You do this for yourself. You do it for future generations.

Choosing to talk about the Mother Wound is NOT about mother blaming or shaming. Rather, it's about becoming aware of generational cycles and doing the brave work of choosing to break them. It is about recognizing and coming to terms with the limitations of your mother’s ability to meet your needs - and learning how to start to meet those needs yourself - so you can become the healthy elder that you (and our world) has always needed.

If you’re ready to explore this work - please fill out the above application which helps me make sure we will be a good match and I can support you in your healing. After your application is received, we will set up a time to chat via Zoom within the next 2 business days and make a plan to start moving your life forward in a way that feels Good, Aligned and True to You.

words from brave souls

  • “The nervous feeling I had at the start of my first coaching call quickly calmed when I hear Kristy’s voice. It is soft, kind, soothing and compassionate. Kristy listened with patience and softly guided me to feel my emotions, but not become them. She has changed my life by helping me to accept the duality of my circumstances. I can grieve my estranged relatives but also know that the decision is best for me and is necessary for my mental health. Kristy has an uncanny ability to connect with those who are lucky enough to be guided by her, and shares her own experiences with candour.”

    Carrie W.

  • “Kristy has a gentle and compassionate energy that made me feel safe and understood and supported. She has helped me release shame and guilt as a result of the mother wound, she has led me to greater self acceptance especially around being highly sensitive and introverted, and she has given me incredibly practical and effective tools for self care and healing that have changed my life!”

    Audrey G.

  • It was such an absolute pleasure working with Kristy. She has an incredibly calming presence and so much empathy. Going through this process, it was so helpful to have that demeanor. She was so patient and responsive to all of my questions and messages on all the channels (Voxer, email, IG). I just felt like she was truly focused on me. I feel like I grew a lot across this process, even more so than years of therapy and other coaching. I have changed and taken better control of my life and understood how to put myself first. I took some big and scary steps with her support. And I've undoubtedly improved my relationships and taken accountability for my role in conflicts.”

    Former Client (name withheld for privacy)